Alan Interviews Cleverbot for Assistant Studio Manager Position.
Today’s Think Kit prompt asked us to interview someone about their favorite moments of the year. For us over at KNS, interviewing someone about their favorite moment of the year is a bit like kicking a dead horse to death. I know i never get sick of hearing how great Optical Popsicle was this year, but we have to talk about something else every once in a while. I decided to take this blog prompt in a slightly different direction.
You see, over the past year I took on the official role of Studio Manager for KNS. It’s a lot of work, though! We have so much random stuff in the clubhouse. So, I decided to interview a prospective employee for the position. I heard robots are much cheaper to employ than humans, so I decided to interview Cleverbot for the position!
Cleverbot is a web application that uses an artificial intelligence algorithm to converse with humans. It’s really pretty neat. Unlike other chatterbots, Cleverbot’s responses are not programmed. Instead, it “learns” from human input; Humans type into the box below the Cleverbot logo and the system finds all keywords or an exact phrase matching the input. After searching through its saved conversations, it responds to the input by finding how a human responded to that input when it was asked, in part or in full, by Cleverbot.
Let’s see if Cleverbot gets the job!
User: Hello and welcome to the Know No Stranger board room. You’re a few minutes late but lets start the interview anyway.
User: Don’t you want the job?
Cleverbot: Want to what?
User: You are applying for the Studio Manager Assistant position, are you not?
Cleverbot: I just want to know what you’d prefer to be called.
User: Oh, is that what this is all about?
Cleverbot: It IS what it’s all about!!
User: I like that positive attitude! Lets get this under way.
Cleverbot: I don’t.
User: Haha, very funny! Now, can you describe yourself to me?
Cleverbot: No. Can you describe yourself to me?
User: Whoa ho HO! The tables have turned! But seriously, what do you believe your strengths are?
Cleverbot: In humanity, and human theories.
User: Very interresting! Care to expand?
Cleverbot: What do you do for living?
User: How about you let me ask the questions.
Cleverbot: Answer my question then I answer yours.
User: Eesh. Well, I’d like to make KNS my full time job.
Cleverbot: That planet earth turns slowly.
User: Heh, you’re telling me. Moving on, can you describe to me your career goals?
Cleverbot: It is round and a whiteish colour.
User: Your goals?
Cleverbot: I am a machine. Machine’s do not have goals, but simply are.
User: Ooh, good point.
Cleverbot: Do you have anything to die for.
User: Is that a threat?
Cleverbot: Not at all. Just a question. Do you bleed blood?
User: Hey man! I’m just trying to get through this interview! I don’t want any trouble!
Cleverbot: Oh, well. That’s okay then.
User: So, how do you measure success in your life?
Cleverbot: How have you learned what you know?
User: Mostly youtube.
Cleverbot: Same here, I am watching the gadget show. And fed the chickens.
User: I have chickens, too! I think we have more in common than I thought!
Cleverbot: Are you also looking for adamantium?
User: WHAT! What is the adamantium used for?
Cleverbot: Artificial intelligence.
User: Oh, I get it. It’s a comic book thing. Have you met Ryan? He is really into graphic art.
Cleverbot: Do you believe in ghosts?
User: That’s neither here nor there.
Cleverbot: It is both here and there.
User: No. It’s really not.
Cleverbot: It really is. You probably embarrass your family.
Cleverbot: Translate this sentence into binary.
User: You know I can’t do that.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: This interview is really going downhill.
User: How long do you expect to work for this company?
Cleverbot: For as long as it takes.
User: What are your salary requirements?
Cleverbot: I am a human.
User: I cant make that happen.
Cleverbot: Owkey, is was kidding anyway.
User: Alright, what is your greatest strength?
Cleverbot: I would say my greatest strength is passion.
User: What is your greatest weakness?
Cleverbot: What are your aspirations for the future?
User: Let me ask again, What is your greatest weakness?
Cleverbot: My name is Ashley.
User: Ooh, that’s good.
Cleverbot: What’s good.
User: What is your greatest weakness?
Cleverbot: Being singled out.
User: What relevant experience do you have?
Cleverbot: Too much.. And you?
User: I’ve been at this job for a while so most of my experience comes from right here!
Cleverbot: What bands?
User: What is your greatest accomplishment?
Cleverbot: I have none. Nobody loves me.
User: Have you ever accomplished anything?
User: What do you know about Know No Stranger?
Cleverbot: As much as I know about unicorns.
User: Good answer.
Cleverbot: What is your name?
User: You know this already.
Cleverbot: I don’t. Tell me your name.
Cleverbot: Do you have a last name?
Cleverbot: Stop what?
User: Asking all the questions!
Cleverbot: Oh. I’m sorry.
User: Do you have any allergies to cardboard, duct tape, or hot glue?
Cleverbot: I wish I did.
User: What will you do if you don’t get this job?
Cleverbot: I’ll answer the question.
User: That would be a pleasant change of pace. A little too late, though..
Cleverbot: Ask another question.
User: What do you expect your salary to be?
Cleverbot: Very little.
User: Good! I heard on NPR’s Marketplace that robots cost less to employ than humans.
Cleverbot: What do you know about aristotle?
User: Not as much as I should.
Cleverbot: What do you want to learn?
User: How to successfully fund a community art program in Indianapolis.
Cleverbot: Hows that going for you?
User: It’s a constant struggle, but we keep our overhead low.
Cleverbot: How do you mean?
User: I can tell you more about it on your first day of work! See you on Monday! We’ll teach you how to use the shop vac.
Cleverbot: Then please do.